What I've Done
by LauriNicole
Summary: "So, there you have it. I'm sorry I kissed you. I'm sorry I feel this way about you. Just pretend you never heard any of this, alright?" My take on what happened after the ending of iOMG.


**Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly, or its characters. All copyright material belongs to its rightful owners.**

* * *

Something buzzed on Sam's end table as she lay in her bed, staring at the window but not focused on it. She groaned and picked up her phone for what seems like the 80th time that night.

'We need to talk.'

Her heart beat speeds up incredibly, pounding in her chest as her eyes scan the text. She hates the effect he has on her. She hates _him. _

That was a lie. Really, she hated herself for falling for him.

Her phone vibrates in her hand as another text comes through.

'Please? I know you're ignoring me. It's not the end of the world that you kissed me.'

…Easy for him to say.

She throws the phone and it hits the wall, thus the battery falls out, and she's surprised it doesn't break. She tries to ignore the sickening feeling in her stomach because she's scared as hell. She toys with the ham sandwich in her lap. For the first time since she can remember, she doesn't have much of an appetite. She looks around at the suitcases and empty drawers in her room. She was leaving to go off to a mental-ward in the morning, after all.

* * *

She had kissed him. He had come to give her advice on Brad _(_He was really that clueless), and she ended up pulling him towards her. He was standing close and that in itself was enough to make her weak at the knees. Then he started talking about love and mushy feelings, and her eyes strayed to his lips and her heart beat a little faster. He just wouldn't shut up and leave, which would have prevented the confusion and anxiety they experienced now. She just couldn't hold back any longer as the thoughts and feelings she had pushed to the back of her mind surfaced. She kissed him with everything she had felt for the boy.

She wasn't quite sure how long the kiss lasted, but it felt like an eternity had passed before she came to her senses, realized what exactly she was doing, but that he wasn't kissing her back, and let go of him.

With eyes wide he sputtered. "…I-"

Her face burned and she knew it had to be obvious to him that she was blushing. Her eyes locked with his confused brown ones, and she felt frozen to the spot. She wanted to get away from him; to get the hell out of there before she made an even bigger fool of herself, but it would be no use. Her legs were so weak they could barely keep her standing, let alone take off running.

She wasn't supposed to kiss him. She was supposed to despise him and think he was a stupid nub. She knew she couldn't hide her feelings forever, but she'd be damned if she didn't try, and she surely didn't expect them to surface this soon. She wasn't prepared for this and neither of them was expecting it. Now, she had no idea what to do next. She was scared; scared of rejection that was sure to come, and scared of losing her maybe, sort of, close friendship with him.

"Sorry." She didn't know what exactly she apologized for, but she was truthfully sorry. Was it for being senseless enough to kiss him, or was she sorry for falling in love with him?

"It's cool." What was that supposed to mean?

She searched his eyes, digging for a hint of understanding. But there was nothing to be found but astonishment and obvious confusion.

"It wasn't Brad," He seemed to be telling himself more so than talking to Sam. She couldn't help but flinch at the sudden break of silence.

"You really are an idiot." She mumbled, tearing her eyes away. It appeared as if the ground had suddenly become interesting. She kicked a small rock to the side.

He blinked. "Why?" He asked her, unconsciously taking a small step forward.

Sam stumbled back a few unnecessary steps, nearly tripping over her own feet. "Don't come near me," She snapped. The last thing she needed was to break down and make _that_ mistake again. "What do you mean, 'why'?"

Freddie sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Why did you kiss me?"

Her heart seemed to have stopped for a moment. That was the question she had been dreading, though she knew there wasn't any chance of avoiding it. The sooner he asked, the sooner they could get this over with, she supposed.

"Why do you care?" She countered, subconsciously putting her guard up.

"Sam," Freddie replied almost instantly, "Why did you kiss me? I mean, not that it's a bad thing, because I didn't mean it like that. Really, it's okay-"

"Maybe if you'd shut your mouth, I'd answer the damn question." Sam snapped, feeling her face heat up again. She didn't know how much longer she could take the tension. She just wanted to get this ordeal over with and pretend it never happened.

Without giving him a chance to respond, she began to answer. "I kissed you because wouldn't shut the hell up about me loving Brad and all that crap."

Freddie simply glared at her. "I thought I told you not to play games? We're not going to forget this-"He gestured between them with his hands, "…Ever happened."

She began to squirm under his gaze. She was digging herself deeper into a hole that she didn't know how to get out. This was unfamiliar territory for the two of them.

"It's not like you care. I bet you just can't wait to get back to Carly. I'm sure none of this will matter then, right?" She met his stare, refusing to shy away, a sharp sensation pricking the corners of her eyes.

"I got over Carly a long time ago. You know that just as well as I do. So why you'd even bring her up is beyond me."

"I'm always second best when it comes to her!" Sam shouted, feeling a lump form in her throat. "I've always been compared to her. Jesus, Freddie, you did it for years! All I ever heard was how pretty, smart and perfect she was while you never bothered to take a second glance at me unless you wanted to tell me how much of a bitch I was."

Freddie's gaze softened. "I never knew you felt this way, Sam."

Sam blinked, desperate to keep the tears away. She looked to the ground again. "I like you in _that_ way. I think I may even be in love with you." She paused to watch his reaction, but he only bit his lip and nodded, silently telling her to go on.

"So, there you have it. I'm sorry I kissed you. I'm sorry I feel this way about you. Just pretend you never heard any of this, alright?"

"No. I can't pretend you're not in love with me, Sam." Freddie barely gave her time to finish talking before he responded. His eyes flickered with emotion as he mentioned her love for him.

"Fuck, Freddie." Sam swore. "I don't see why you can't forget this ever happened."

Freddie was left to stand in the courtyard as the door slammed behind him.

* * *

She ended up at Troubled Waters the next morning, packing her bags and heading off without telling anyone. She was crazy. She had lost her mind. What other explanation would there be for kissing Freddie of all seven billion people on the planet?

She fell in love with the boy she had sworn to hate for the rest of eternity the day she met him. He was a nerdy guy who found entertainment in talking about hard drives and working on HTML codes. She was a girl who didn't give a damn about school. Freddie would go out of his way to stay out of trouble, while Sam craved it. They were complete opposites.

But maybe if they looked past the arguments and the personality clashes that lay on the surface, they'd find they weren't so different from each other after all.

They got mad at each other. They argued, bickered, teased. They took the time to purposely do something to tick the other off. But at the end of the day, they were best friends (though they would never admit it). It was their game.

It was a game that they had been playing since sixth grade. It had turned into a way of living.

One wrong move (or maybe not so wrong in his eyes), and the game was over. Maybe, for the first time, he beat her at something. She broke the rules and threw everything out of balance. Their world was turned sideways, where nothing was familiar anymore. They were sworn enemies at the start, and now she craved him with all her heart.

It wasn't supposed to happen.


End file.
